An Qiu

18

18

Paper wrapped fire.

On the morning of my 22nd birthday, An Qiu sent me a message: "I moved the concert earlier in the evening, and I can get off work at 07:30. I made a cake. Let's celebrate your birthday together?"

He thought I was 28, so he took a picture of me, with chocolate sauce written on the white cream: Happy 28th birthday.

I was in class when I received the picture, and my heart felt so sweet and sour. If it weren't for the eyes of everyone, I really wanted to cry.I don't want to lie anymore, I want to be honest with him.Regardless of whether there is a future or not, at least for now, I really want to have a good relationship with him.

I told my brothers my thoughts in the group chat, Xia Dong was addicted to his new love, and he took care of my messes infinitely, and only replied with one sentence: Whatever you want, as long as you are happy.

Luo Wenming replied: I will go, then am I a matchmaker?Duan Yu, you must give me a big red envelope.

Tang Bo poured cold water: You and him are fine, then what will he do when he sees Brother Luo in the future?I advise you not to be stupid, just calm down, how can you have a good future if you haven't had a good start?

I replied: I don't know what to do?I just don't want to lie anymore, I really really like this person from the bottom of my heart.Thank you brother for your concern, so be it, today is my birthday, wish me a happy birthday, and hope An Qiu can forgive me.

Luo Wenming: Haha, I wish you the best of luck tonight.

Tang Bo didn't reply, and it took a long time to chat with me in private: Duan Yu, I advise you not to be stupid, just play around, who can you turn to?That person is disabled, and the mentality of the disabled is somewhat distorted. If you treat him too well and get entangled by him, then you should regret it.

I replied: Thank you brother, An Qiu is not that kind of person, I believe.

Tang Bo didn't say any more. I waited until night with trepidation. When I passed the campus forest path, I met my girlfriend who was standing by the side of the road.

I love to take the short cut, and she knows it.

I don't know how long she waited, maybe it was cold, maybe it was crying for a long time, her nose was red, and she looked at me pitifully.

Xiao Ke suddenly ran over and hugged my waist, crying: "Duan Yu, I have nothing with Tang Tian, ​​he likes me to pursue me, but I have never had a slight affection for him. I did not do anything to be sorry for you , so don't leave me, I don't want to break up with you, I can't bear you." She choked up crying, and didn't care about the eyes of the passing classmates.

I supported her by the shoulder and comforted her: "Don't be like this, let's talk carefully if we have something to say, and watch."

"Look, look, am I still afraid of being laughed at by others?"

"Xiao Ke, I can't understand some things for a while, but I want to say, you are a good girl, and you will find a better boyfriend."

"No, I don't want it. I only like you. I have always been in love with you secretly. When you promised to date me, do you know how happy I was?" Xiao Ke cried more and more sadly, I could only drag her to the garden Hidden corners.

"It's my scum, I'm not good enough for you." I patted her on the back to comfort her: "I'm sorry, I said something angry that day, I know you and Tang Tian have nothing to do, it's because I often snub you, in fact, I really I feel sorry for you."

"Then let's start again. I won't make trouble for no reason anymore. If there is something selfish about me, I will correct it. In short, as long as we don't break up and we are together, I can change anything."

Xiao Ke was originally a girl who loved to cry, but she was probably too wronged that day, her eyes were swollen from crying, and she couldn't stop crying.

I looked at my watch anxiously, and the time passed by.

Her saliva was almost dry, and it was getting dark. Xiao Ke probably felt that there was no hope, so she stopped crying and trembled all over.

I said, "I'll take you back to the dormitory."

She shook her head, as if a wandering spirit was walking outside the school. "I won't go back. If I go back like this, they will laugh at me."

It was already dark, the school was built in the suburbs, and it had everything.I was afraid that she would be in danger as a lonely girl, and although I was anxious to keep the appointment, I didn't dare to leave her behind.

"Xiao Ke, be obedient, go back to the dormitory, it's dangerous outside." I ran up to grab her arm, put my arms around her, and wanted to forcefully hug her back.

Xiao Ke broke free from my arms and ran away.

There is a square not far from the school, and the grandmas dancing the dam dance have all gone home, and Xiao Ke's lonely figure runs further and further away under the dim street lights.I wanted to rush up, but I heard the sound of "dudu" crutches falling to the ground behind me.All of a sudden, I felt my whole body stiff, turned around, and saw An Qiu walking in the distance.

For some unknown reason, he walked very staggeringly today, every step seemed to be on the tip of a knife, the pain made him frown.

He used crutches, and his whole body was almost pressed against the crutches. Even so, his right foot could not be lifted off the ground, and he dragged behind him, reluctantly following the pace of his left foot.

I felt as if I was frozen, watching him walking towards me with difficulty, I was so guilty that I couldn't move.

"An Qiu...you...how..." I wanted to explain something, but I didn't know where to start.

An Qiu was very calm, looked at me and said, "I'm sorry, the sudden appearance scared you."

I looked at his cold eyes and felt that my blood was frozen at that moment.I don't know what happened, but my intuition tells me that An Qiu knows everything.

After a few steps, An Qiu stopped, panting. "I got a photo and a text message today, I just don't believe it and want to make sure." He handed me the phone, and I caught it with trembling hands.

A photo of me drinking with Luo Wenming. This photo was taken when we planned to plot against An Qiu. In a small Sichuan restaurant, Luo Wenming and I put our shoulders together and laughed non-stop.I clearly remember that Tang Bo took this photo for us. I looked at him and said to him with a smile: Third brother, make me look more handsome.

As for the text message, it is very simple, just write my school address and my real age.

A few words are enough, enough to make An Qiu's body covered in bruises.

"Is this true?" An Qiu asked me.

I nodded, unable to refute at all. "The photo is real, and the content of the text message is also real. I know Luo Wenming, and I'm not a company employee. I'm just a student."

An Qiu shook violently and almost fell. When I reached out my hand, he shouted, "Don't touch me...don't touch me..."

I said anxiously: "Yes, I lied to you. Xia Dong, who used to pursue you, is my sworn brother. Because you rejected him, he became angry and wanted to take revenge on you. They asked me to approach you, pretending to like you, and waiting for you to like me." It's time for me to throw it away."

An Qiu's lips trembled a little, his eyes were red, and his voice was choked up: "Yes, you have succeeded, but you still want to laugh at me, tell me."

I walked over, supported his crumbling body, and said softly: "No, it's not because I'm making fun of you, but because I'm making fun of myself. It's a joke that I'm so embarrassed. It's a joke that I've devoted myself to you a long time ago. I like you, An Qiu, I really like you." I hugged him, and he struggled in my arms, tears streaming down his face.

I'm a cautious person, I don't intend to come out, so I don't want people to know that I am gay.But that day, I don't know why, my reason turned into bullshit, without going through my brain, I hugged the thin person in my arms and bowed my head to kiss him.

Later, I often thought, what if I was not so impulsive that day, but waited for everyone to calm down before explaining slowly?If I didn't use Xiao Ke to hide my homosexuality, what would happen if I was alone?What if I had been honest with An Qiu from the beginning?What if when Xiao Ke found out that I kissed An Qiu lightly, I could deal with it calmly instead of pushing An Qiu away by conditioned reflex?

However, I made one mistake after another, which superimposed into a butterfly effect.

Xiao Ke screamed and cursed: "So you are gay? You, you made me the laughing stock of everyone, so you are the big laughing stock!"

I let go of An Qiu suddenly, turned around and ran to grab Xiao Ke.

An Qiu was caught off guard by me and almost fell. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him bend over and cover his right crotch.It may be that the prosthesis shifted during the movement. I knew he was in pain, but I couldn't take care of him and comfort him.Xiao Ke gave me a headache, she became hysterical and struggled to run away.

"Duan Yu, I will ruin your reputation, I will watch your jokes and see you become the target of public criticism."

At that time, I was scared, really scared.The first thought reminded me of my parents and their love for me, how should I explain it to them.Then the mind was full of terrible hypotheses, how would my classmates spurn me if they knew about it, how would the school leaders deal with me if they knew about it, and what should I do in the future.

We have been pulling, two people red eyes.I didn't push Xiao Ke on purpose, I really didn't see the steps behind, we kept pulling, Xiao Ke broke free from my restraint, and fell backwards due to the recoil.

At that moment, my mind was blank, no, in fact, I could reach out my hand at that moment, but I didn't.

A figure came into view from the corner of the eye, and everything seemed to be in slow motion. An Qiu grabbed Xiao Ke's arm, and the crutch under his arm fell to the ground with a "bang".He pulled Xiao Ke up with all his strength, but he counterattacked and rolled down the stairs...

An Qiu was seriously injured. A broken rib punctured a lung, a ruptured spleen was removed, and the most serious thing was his right eye. When he rolled down, he was caught by the iron sheet protruding from the railing, and his eyeball was poked a hole.

He spent a week in intensive care, dying three times.He has no family, only a good friend, Xiao Wang.

I stayed outside the ward every day, and I asked Xiao Wang to bring the message in. When Xiao Wang came out, he just shook his head: "He doesn't want to see you."

When he was out of intensive care, he still refused to see me, but met Xiao Ke once.

I don't know what they said, but my life is peaceful, and I can guess the agreement between them.An Qiu kept my secret with one eye. He didn't pursue the fault of Xiao Ke and me, and he suffered a huge disaster alone.

I go to the ward every day, help him turn over and feed him.He accepted it silently and didn't say a word to me again.

Tang Bo came to see him once and brought fresh flowers and milk. I thought I would be very angry when I saw Tang Bo, but I didn't.

What right do I have to be angry at others, the worst thing is myself.

An Qiu didn't know that Tang Bo was the one who sent the message, he thought it was my friend, and said thank you kindly.

I asked Tang Bo at the corner of the hospital: "Why did you do this?"

Tang Bo smiled wryly: "I thought I didn't mind you being fond of others, I thought I just liked you a little bit, but I was wrong, seeing you falling in love with others, I still couldn't accept it in the end."

"If you do this, we can be together? Don't dream? Are you willing to be fucked by me? Are you not macho and never be fucked by others?" I whispered.

Tang Bo looked sad, and smiled lightly: "I told you at that time, when a person who only fucks others and is willing to be fucked by others, that is liking... At that time, I was telling you that I would... ..."

Tang Bo left, and that was the last time I saw him. Later, his phone number and address changed, and we really became strangers.

An Qiu also left. When he was discharged from the hospital, he said to me: "Duan Yu, I will do everything I can for you, so please stop pestering me. From now on, we will be strangers."

I held back my tears and said, "No, I want to take care of you, I want to be your eyes."

He smiled bitterly, and murmured: "You have eyes but no pearls, so what's the use of it."

He was lying on Xiao Wang's back, only half of his body, the gauze on his eyes had not been removed, and half of his face was pale and frightening.I stood there with tears in my eyes, and watched Xiao Wang walk away from me with him on his back. In the dimness, I saw An Qiu turning his head with difficulty.I hastily wiped away my tears, I wanted to look at him clearly, but I saw his tears pouring down like rain...