young and inaction

Chapter 46

"A man has two selves, one awake in the dark and one asleep in the light."

At six o'clock in the evening, the People's Radio announced the time on time. Lin Xingxiu didn't know when he fell asleep. When he woke up, the sun was already halfway down. His ward should be the best seat.

He tried to sit up and drink a glass of water, to no avail.I don't want to ring the bell, I just want to be alone, and the little bird perched on the tree has long since disappeared.

Staring out of the window, one can see the street lights in the hospital turned on one by one, Lu Xichou didn't come, but it's fine if he doesn't come, he doesn't know what kind of state he should use to stand with Lu Xichou now.

The door didn't know when it opened, and the sound of footsteps was a person, maybe a nurse.

"Xiao Lin?" the man asked.It wasn't the nurse, her voice was very gentle, Lin Xingxiu turned his head and looked, he didn't know him, he had never known a woman who was nearly 50 years old.

"It's the same as in the photo, very handsome." Lin Xingxiu stared at the woman who put the lunch box in her hand on the table next to her. Her body was missing. When he opened his mouth to speak, his voice was hoarse: "Who are you?"

The woman smiled cheerfully, as kind as the grandmother in Hayao Miyazaki, watching her smile can make people let down their vigilance.

"You can call me Aunt Zhang, Tuantuan...ah no, that's what Xichou calls me at home. I'm his nanny, and I grew up watching Xichou." Aunt Zhang fell to Lin Xingxiu while talking A cup of tea, "Tsk, you look so distressed, shall I help you up to eat?"

"Auntie, where's Lu Xichou?" Lin Xingxiu took a sip from the glass and asked.Aunt Zhang helped him up, and opened the lunch boxes layer by layer, all of which were light and nutritious meals.

Aunt Zhang paused for him to tuck the quilt, and still said cheerfully: "Xichou sent his father to an event, and it's not easy for Auntie to ask about company affairs. His mother specially made soup, and Xichou told him I will bring it to you."

Activity?On the surface, although Lu Xichou looks like a bohemian second-generation ancestor, he is not. He has a sense of proportion in his actions, and he will not easily change what he promises to others.

"Oh...thank you, then please thank Auntie for me." Lin Xingxiu said.

After Aunt Zhang left, Lin Xingxiu endured the pain and took out the phone from the drawer. The phone had been repaired by Lu Xichou, and the memory information was intact.

Lu Xichou did not send him a message.

There is no smell of alcohol in the ward, but more of the bouquet of lilies on the windowsill.

"Mom, you weren't like this before! Didn't you say that you can accept that I like boys?" Lu Xichou knocked on the door in the room. As soon as he got home, he was tricked into the room by Liu Yun, and then locked the door. He was stuck in the room.

Liu Yun was drinking tea expressionlessly in the living room. Aunt Zhang came back and asked some questions about Aunt Zhang. The tea was finished, and when Lu Yang came back, it was already cold.

"Let Xichou come out...he has been shouting all afternoon." Liu Yun said to Lu Yang with tears in his eyes.Lu Yang frowned, and tugged at his tie irritably: "Is he really talking about a boyfriend? He's getting angry at me more and more in different ways!"

Lu Xichou leaned against the door and heard Lu Yang's voice, his voice was already hoarse, obviously Lin Xingxiu just woke up today, obviously his parents promised him that as long as Lin Xingxiu survived, they promised to let them be together.

He doesn't like to cry very much, and this time he really feels that there is no way out.His legs were already numb and unconscious. He knelt on the ground and knocked on the door frantically. He couldn't say knocking on the door anymore, it was knocking on the door, and his knuckles were already a little torn.

"Dad, I beg you, let me out!" Lu Xichou shouted.

Lu Yang heard that his brows became tighter, and he took a sip of water: "Is it locked in the guest bedroom?" Liu Yun nodded.Lu Yang lit a cigarette and took a deep puff. He thought that Lu Xichou told him that he liked boys to annoy him.

"Xichou...he has no choice." Liu Yun said softly.Lu Yang glanced at her and said, "He has so many choices!" Liu Yun rolled down his tears, "Does it make you feel good seeing your son like this?"

"I don't want him to go to the company in the future. Everyone is "different" to him because of his homosexuality. Besides, as a shareholder..." Before Lu Yang finished speaking, Liu Yun interrupted: "What about Yi Ze?"

"Isn't Yi Ze the same? Why haven't I seen Lao Yi like you?" Liu Yun asked him eagerly, she couldn't stand her son crying and begging like that.

"It's different!" Lu Yang said with a cigarette in his mouth, "Have you talked to him today?" Liu Yun nodded and said, "Yes, during breakfast, Xichou told me about the secondary card. He spent so much time because he helped Xiaolin rent a house."

"Money is not important, as long as he can change his mind, I'll go to the hospital. Since Lu Xichou doesn't give up, then I'll let him give up." Lu Yang put out the cigarette in the ashtray.

Liu Yun was sitting on the sofa in a daze. Before Aunt Zhang came home, she poured a cup of black tea and handed it to Liu Yun: "We all know what Tuantuan is like. Let's go to sleep. I'll make hot food for him and enlighten him. "

"What do you think Lu Yang is obsessed with?" Liu Yun cried and held Aunt Zhang's hand. Her daughter can talk to her mother if she has a grievance, but her mother passed away a while ago. Aunt Zhang has worked at home for so many years. Yes and Liu Yun are fellow villagers.

"Oh, sir, I also want Tuantuan to live a normal life." Aunt Zhang patted her hand and said, "To be honest, if my son likes men, I can't accept it either. I'm a stubborn old man, and they are gay It’s open-mindedness, isn’t our country doing open-mindedness?”

Aunt Zhang didn't know many words. When she said this, she made Liu Yun laugh: "Mother Zhang is good at joking, these two things can't be compared."

Lu Xichou sat on the ground, he had never felt so embarrassed before.He was locked in the storage room on the first floor. It was pitch black and there was no window. If there was a window, he could still go through it.

It was dark in front of him, and the conversation outside the door was gone. He felt that there was no hope. With Lu Yang's way of doing things, he couldn't guess what Lu Yang would do, even though it was his own father.

He was thinking, what happened to Lin Xingxiu?have you eaten?Is your head still hurting?Are you disappointed in him already?How helpless Lin Xingxiu was when he was a child, how lonely his world must be if he has autism.He regretted not getting to know Lin Xingxiu sooner.

The door opened and the light streamed in.Lu Xichou felt a little glaring, as if he was grabbing some life-saving straw: "Dad, can you let me see him one last time? Don't touch him, I'll transfer to another school, I'll stop messing around, Dad, I beg you."

"Xichou, stand up." Aunt Zhang took Lu Xichou's hand and walked towards the living room. Liu Yun hid at the railing on the second floor, peeping with red eyes.

Lu Xichou looked around, but he didn't see Lu Yang, and his spirit tensed instantly: "Aunt Zhang, where's my dad?!" Aunt Zhang looked kindly, and filled him with soup: "Your dad has gone upstairs to rest a long time ago. There is an important meeting tomorrow."

Aunt Zhang would not lie to him, even if his parents lied to him, Aunt Zhang would not lie to him, this has been the case since childhood.Lu Xichou nodded, washed his face in the kitchen sink, and sat at the table in disbelief.

"Auntie, do you think my parents look like wolves in human skin? They are domineering, and I am like a prey in the wolf's lair. I am controlled by them. I have no autonomy and no right to choose... From childhood to Most of them." Lu Xichou's vision was blurred and he said with sobs.

"Oh, this is also a kind of love." Aunt Zhang blushed and glanced at Liu Yun behind the pillar on the second floor.

The hour hand of the clock on the wall is pointing at 9, it's past nine o'clock, and Lu Xichou still hasn't sent a message.He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of the instrument working. He really wanted to sleep curled up and huddled himself up to make him feel more secure, but he couldn't do it because his right leg was hung.

He turned off the light, the room was plunged into darkness, there was a beam of light in the direction of the door, he opened his eyes, it should be Lu Xichou.He was about to say: What are you doing here so late?

The sound of footsteps was wrong, obviously the sound of leather shoes, and then the lights came on.The person sitting in front of him is simply a copy of Lu Xichou, wearing a suit, with neatly trimmed hair, brows full of irritability and exhaustion, this person should be Lu Xichou's father.

"Lin Xingxiu, right?" Lu Yang opened his mouth to speak, just like Chen Ning's mother in the morning, his speech could not be refuted.Lin Xingxiu had already guessed something, he was struggling to sit up, but seeing Lu Yang stretch his legs, he thought he was going to help him, but it turned out that he was thinking too much.

Lu Yang changed his sitting position, crossed his legs, rubbed his phone back and forth with his right hand, and said in a very magnetic voice, "You don't need to sit, just lie down and straighten up."

"Hello, Uncle." Lin Xingxiu said lying on the bed.

Lu Yang didn't say anything to his greeting. He looked at the person in front of him. Lu Xichou inherited 90.00% of Lu Yang's looks, and the remaining [-]% followed Liu Yun, but his personality should follow Liu Yun.

"Do you know who I am?" Lu Yang glanced at him, and continued: "Lu Xichou is messing around, and he has no sense of restraint in his actions. Please forgive me if he has done anything excessive to you."

Lin Xingxiu's guess was accurate, he said: "Lu Xichou is very good." Unexpectedly, he saw Lu Yang sneered and said, "He is good? Then have you seen his shortcomings? Now that you are in love, you like him , it is naturally his strengths in the eyes."

He's right, if he were asked to list Lu Xichou's shortcomings one by one, he really wouldn't be able to say it.

"I see." Lin Xingxiu said.

"I hope you are self-aware," he pushed the transparent storage bag towards Lin Xingxiu, and asked, "Are you sick? I looked it up, it's autism... This is your medical record, Lu Xichou asked me to return it to you. I don't want you to hinder each other on the way of growth, he has already expressed his position at home by not coming today, now you see you, either you transfer or he transfers, you choose one."

It was this transparent storage bag again. A few people came here today, and both of them came to "negotiate" with him. He was a little speechless, but listening to Lu Yang's words, he felt very uncomfortable.

"I..." Before Lin Xingxiu could think of what to say, his heart was in a mess. On the one hand, he hoped that Lu Xichou would leave him because he was sick, but on the other hand, he hoped that Lu Xichou would continue to like him.

Seeing his hesitation, Lu Yang took out a receipt from the transparent storage bag: "This is the receipt for your hospitalization. This is your consumption for the past few days. It has already been settled. If you transfer to another school, you don't need to worry about the transfer procedures and hospital transfer procedures." .” This blocked Lin Xingxiu’s path, what could he do?A person like him was born to be someone else's puppet, under the control of others, to become a walking dead.

"Lu Xichou, did he really say that?" Although Lin Xingxiu didn't want to know the answer, he still wanted to hear what Lu Xichou had to say.Lu Yang wanted to light a cigarette, held it tight, and said, "He said he gave up, nice to meet you, thank you and goodbye."

Tears flowed, he looked at the ceiling, he didn't want Lu Yang to see him like this, didn't Lu Xichou say he wanted to chase him?He said just trust him.

"Oh, by the way, you don't know yet, do you? The house you rented was found by Lu Xichou. Did he tell you that the monthly rent was too high?" Lu Yang asked.

Lin Xingxiu didn't speak, and Lu Yang continued: "Such a superior apartment type, the monthly rent is at least around 5000, and he paid you for half a year." Lin Xingxiu was dumb, paused and said: "He said ……never mind."

He is very smart in studies, why is he stupid like a pig in life, he was fascinated by Lu Xichou, no matter what Lu Xichou said at that time, he thought it made sense, 500 yuan a month, now thinking about it is a bit ridiculous.

Lu Yang observed his expression, not particularly well, it seems that the goal has been achieved, he continued: "I believe that Lu Xichou likes you, after all, he is my son, but do you know? Like and love are not directly proportional, the two The concept is different."

Like is not love...he said thank you and goodbye...these words echoed in his mind, when Lu Yang left, he looked at him, as if he was looking at a beggar begging for love from others, and said coldly: "I hope you don't Misunderstand Lu Xichou, after all, the two of you are taking different paths."

The door lock fell, and there was a dead silence in the ward. He tried his best to shrink himself into a ball, even though his legs were so painful that he was about to suffocate. At this moment, he was so disgusted with the luck that he woke up. If he died, he wouldn't have to hear these things.

Why?Why did he give him hope and lead him out of the filthy quagmire, but now he kicked him down again, and he was even more embarrassed now that he was covered in mud.

Early the next morning, the doctor took him to check his ribs. Seeing his poor condition and red and swollen eye sockets, the doctor asked, "What's the matter? A happy mood helps the wound heal!"

Lin Xingxiu returned to the ward without saying a word. The sun fell on the white quilt, and he hated the sun again. All the feelings he had now left a deep impression on him. When he returned to the darkness, he could only say— — Stay safe.

He took the business card left by Lu Yang and dialed the phone. The other party was on the call, and a tear fell on the screen. He wiped it away with his thumb, and edited the message for Lu Yang.

——I left Lu Xichou, but I don't transfer schools, I can guarantee that I won't see him, don't worry, I will find a way to prevent him from seeing me, okay?

After the message was sent, he clicked on WeChat.The screen displayed "Are you sure you want to delete this contact?" He clicked to confirm, and logged out of his WeChat by the way.

After deleting all contact information, he pulled the quilt over, covered his head, and cried bitterly.It seems that everything is a dream, but this dream does not fit reality.

He wishes to sleep forever in the light.

The author has something to say: A person has two Is, one is awake in the dark, and the other is asleep in the light. —— Gibran