sun washed by spring rain

Chapter 19

38, (30 times)

The body is light and light, as if lying on cotton... The surrounding is very quiet, but it is also very noisy...

where am iWhat is so dazzling?Why is it so cold and so painful...

"Uh, ah..." Zhang Kewei squinted his eyes, vaguely feeling the glare of the lights and the flickering of the surrounding figures.The body still hurts!It still hurts... All sensations seem to disappear, except the pain.Except the pain...

"The patient is awake, the patient is awake!"

"Hey! Young man, hurry up and use your strength when you wake up, you will be in danger when you are late, hurry up and use your strength!"

Danger?What danger?use force?Why use force?I still...how can I have the strength.

"Don't..." Zhang Ke opened his mouth. Although he was unconscious, he could probably feel what was happening now.

His abdomen was falling down hard, something was passing away bit by bit, his stomach hurt, his chest hurt, and his heart hurt even more... He subconsciously tightened his body, as if resisting, struggling to do the last retain.

"Relax! Don't tense up, listen! The fetus has no heartbeat, and labor must be induced. Hurry up, don't be sad, you will have children when you are young!"

Something kept repeating in the ears, and the limp knees felt divided outward again.

There were more and more voices talking around, and they became more and more urgent. Zhang Ke felt his limbs being tightly restrained, and then...it seemed as if some hands were pressing on his abdomen, and then...there was a maddening pain .

"Help! Ah—! Don't—don't—my child, save it, it can still be saved! Ah..."

Zhang Ke cried and shouted, tears flowed into his mouth, bitter and salty.

"Don't shout, take a breath, cooperate with your strength, or you will hurt even more!"

Regardless of whether Zhang Ke heard it or not, the doctor wearing a mask still gave orders loudly. How could he not understand this person's plight... He knew that this person was in pain, and he wanted to end his pain simply.But the hideous scar on the lower abdomen told him that this person had undergone cesarean section for almost a year, and in such a short period of time, it was really impossible to have another cesarean section.

The strength in his hand didn't ease because of Zhang Ke's painful cry, and the blood stained the operating table... The people on it trembled all over.

"Uh... ah—!" Something broke through the tunnel of the lower body, and the body was empty... It seemed that the heart was also empty...

------

"Zhang Ke! Zhang Ke!" Yan Qianming woke up from his sleep. The scene in the dream was a little scary. It seemed that Zhang Ke was covered in prison blood, but the dream was very blurry, and he couldn't see clearly what happened.

"What? Did you have a nightmare? Are you calling me again?" Zhang Keying beside her was also awakened by Yan Qianming, she sat up and hugged Yan Qianming's arm.Deep eyes stared at him.

"Ah? Ah... It's a nightmare... Zhang Ke... Keying..." Yan Qianming swallowed.

"Zhang Ke? By the way, we got engaged today, why didn't your friend come?" Zhang Keying let go of Yan Qianming, raised his eyebrows and repeated the vague name in Yan Qianming's mouth, with a smile that was not a smile.

"Uh... I don't know..." Yan Qianming panted, feeling a chill behind him for some reason.The scene in the dream frightened him, and he wanted to find Zhang Ke now and see his people, as long as nothing happened.

"He is very important in your heart! You always call him by his name in your dreams. Why, you didn't invite him when we were engaged?"

"No...no..." Yan Qianming just murmured, apparently he hadn't heard what Zhang Keying said, his thoughts had already drifted away, obviously not on this topic.

"No? Nothing? Didn't invite him, or you didn't call him in your dream, was it me?" Zhang Keying hugged Yan Qianming's face with both hands to let him face himself, and then said: "From now on, You can only see me in your dreams, so don't call me wrong again. Keying, it's Zhang Keying."

39, (31 on)

It's time to tidy up, some can and can't, some need to be rearranged, and some are going to be thrown away.

It seems... there is not much to pack...

The sky outside was gloomy, which made the already poorly lit room look like night was coming.The door was open, not closed.Maybe that would add some light to the refraction coming in.

One of Zhang Ke's hands was unconsciously placed on the lower abdomen, and there was still some throbbing pain there, but compared to the heart-pounding pain that day, it was already many times lighter...

Yes, he's back... Against the doctor's advice, regardless of his physical condition, he ran out of the hospital when he was barely able to get out of bed.No, to be precise, he escaped...

That place made him feel scared... the pungent disinfectant, the empty white walls, the cold medicinal solution... Everything he felt there seemed to be swallowing his life.

He didn't even look at the lost child... It should have grown up in more than five months... It's small, and the eyeballs haven't fully developed yet, so I can't open it to see the world.

It's okay, it's okay...even he himself doesn't know what he wants to see when he opens his eyes every day.

The pain in the lower abdomen intensified a bit, Zhang Ke gritted his teeth, bent his waist slightly, and pressed even tighter with his hands pressing on the abdomen.

His face is like gold paper, his lips are white, his bulging belly is gone, and his tall body has clear bones. He is no longer as strong as he used to be, and there is no trace of a child's existence.Zhang Ke smiled and relieved the pain.

Pain is real and felt. It is the last trace left by the child, proving that it really existed.

The pain gradually eased, and Zhang Ke was finally able to straighten his waist. He felt a little lost, and almost didn't want the pain to disappear so quickly.Sniffing and looking around, it seems that there is nothing else to pack into the duffel bag.

He deliberately ignored the unopened bag on the table. Zhang Ke hesitated. He looked back and forth a few times, but he stretched out his hand and opened the bag.

I haven't come back for several days, even though I put it in a bag, there is still some dust. Zhang Ke spread out the beige little clothes with both hands, looking fascinated...

------

Zhang Ke has been out of contact for a long time, the phone can't be reached, and no one is there when he goes home to find someone, the landlord has traveled far away and hasn't returned, and he can't go in to have a look, and when he goes to the fast food restaurant where he works, he is told that he has already resigned... In short, this person seems to have disappeared out of thin air...

That bloody dream that night is still vivid in his memory, Yan Qianming still shudders thinking about it now, he must find Zhang Ke, at least, take a look at him to make sure he is all right.

It was only now that Yan Qianming realized that although he had known Zhang Ke for so many years, he knew very little about Zhang Ke.He didn't know if the man had any other friends besides him, and he didn't know where the man would go if he was not at home.He always felt that that person was somewhere not far away from him, and he could see him whenever he wanted to, and he could appear beside him immediately after saying a word.He never thought that one day that person would disappear...it would be impossible for him to find him.

Apart from wanting to see Zhang Ke, Yan Qianming had another reason for looking for him.

After the engagement, Zhang Keying's father seemed to trust him even more, and he finally got what should belong to him in advance.Now that he has the ability, the first thing he thinks of is to return Zhang Ke's money exactly.

In this way, Zhang Ke couldn't be found, and Yan Qianming had no other way, he could only come to Zhang Ke's house every day to see, maybe one day Zhang Ke came back, and he would be able to see him.

It was the same today, when he approached and saw in disbelief that the door of Zhang Ke's house was open, his whole body became excited.Rubbing his eyes to make sure he read correctly, he trotted over in a sudden stride.

Yan Qianming stood in front of the door, and he was not disappointed to see the figure of that person. He was stunned, did not speak and did not go in immediately, for fear of alarming the person and disturbing what he was doing.

The man was facing away from the door at this time, with his head down, he was packing something.The clothes were still as big as usual, but they seemed to hang on the body empty, and the fabric at the back was attached to the back, and the shape of the spine could almost be seen clearly.

When did he lose weight like this?

Yan Qianming was a little startled. In his impression, Zhang Ke's figure has always been strong and strong. He definitely belongs to the type of clothes that make him look thinner and undressed, but now...

Yan Qianming walked in cautiously, with incredibly light steps.Zhang Ke was stunned at first, as if he had sensed someone coming in, but soon, he resumed the action of packing things, as if he didn't feel it, still turned his back to the door, and didn't turn around.

Yan Qianming knew that he felt that he had come in, but he didn't look back and was still doing his own thing. Yan Qianming didn't mind, but heaved a sigh of relief.

"Zhang Ke, where have you been these few days? It was really inconvenient for me when you called that day. But I came to see you the next day, but I couldn't find you everywhere. Where did you go? ?" Yan Qianming looked at Zhang Ke's back and asked.But he waited for a while, but the person in front of him still didn't respond.

"Aren't you mad at me, okay, let me tell you, that day... I got engaged... I told you before, and I knew you didn't want to go, so I didn't tell you... um... the child's problem ...Since you want to stay...then stay, take care of yourself, resignation is right, then stop working, don't worry about the money, I can pay you back, I brought it. Oh yes, tell Good news for you, my company is back, and I am capable! Zhang Ke?" Yan Qianming talked about where he was for a long time, but Zhang Ke still didn't respond. Holding his shoulders, he turned to face her.

The shoulders of his subordinates were thin and bones were left, and they were horribly broken. When he saw Zhang Ke's face clearly, Yan Qianming was indeed taken aback.

"what happened to you?"

Although Zhang Ke turned around to face him, his eyes were indeed extremely empty. There was no expression on his gray face, and no emotions could be seen.

If I had to use an adjective to describe it, it would probably mean that I have nothing to love.

Yan Qianming's eyes looked down again, Zhang Kekuan's clothes were empty, and the obvious curvature of his abdomen disappeared, Yan Qianming was stunned, and stretched out his hand in disbelief, there was indeed a flat area.

"Where's the child...?"

39, (31 times)

"No more." Zhang Ke replied calmly, as if repeating a very ordinary thing, without any emotion or emotion.

"It's gone? Why is it gone? You...where did you go?" Yan Qianming looked at Zhang Ke in shock.

Although, he himself didn't know what kind of feelings he had for this child.Neither loathing nor anticipation.But since it already exists, it is a fact that cannot be ignored.

And he just accepted this fact, why did he suddenly... just tell him, it's gone?

"If it's gone, it's gone." Zhang Ke didn't lift his eyelids, but just looked at the ground.After speaking, he turned back and continued with what he had just done.

Yan Qianming was stunned, he couldn't help but feel strange.For Zhang Ke's indifferent reaction, and the extremely sudden incident whether it was present or not, he couldn't digest everything...

I don't know how long this stalemate has lasted, Yan Qianming has been waiting for Zhang Ke to speak, to give him a reason or explanation for the matter, but this person has nothing to say after saying the sentence "It's gone, it's gone", and the atmosphere was stiff for a while , no one can continue to endure like this.

"What does it mean to be gone? If you have a child, you don't tell me, and if the child is gone, you still don't tell me! What happened? What do you mean by what you look like now? Why do you keep everything from me?" ? What do you think of me?" Yan Qianming finally couldn't bear it anymore, he was at a loss now, he wanted to know everything!

With a sound of "啪——!", Zhang Ke, who heard these words, slammed the thing he was holding in his hand, and turned around abruptly.

"What do I take you for? What do you want me to take you for?! What are you mine? What right do you have to ask me!" Zhang Ke roared, using his last strength.His whole body was shaking, it was sadness, pain, and even more anger.

Yan Qianming was surprised.He didn't expect this person to react like this.

He roared excitedly, his trembling and weak body seemed to fall unconscious on the ground in a second.And what he said just now made Yan Qianming feel guilty, and he couldn't answer a single question when he was asked.

Yeah... what is he his?Oh my friend!Still the best buddy, but how can there be a child in this relationship?Yan Qianming only felt that his mind was in a mess... All words paled in front of the angry Zhang Ke...

"I, I am the father of the child, shouldn't I know?" Yan Qianming thought for a long time, and the only thing he could find was such a real but weak reason.

"Are you the father of the child? Do you care about it? Aren't you going to get married? It shouldn't have appeared in this world, right? Wouldn't it be better if it wasn't there?" Zhang laughed, laughing sadly relieved.Yan Qianming's phrase 'he is the father of the child' was a joke in his ears, and when he heard a funny joke, he naturally had to laugh.

Zhang Ke's weird smile made Yan Qianming shudder.A guess that he didn't want to believe suddenly came to his mind.

"You, did you knock it out?" After Yan Qianming finished speaking, he was also taken aback. Zhang Ke seemed to love this child so much. At the beginning, he just wanted to get close to him, so he was terribly worried. How could it be destroyed.

But... how to explain everything now?The indifference on his face when he mentioned the child, and the words that children should not exist, are not like him, so how can people not guess?

This idea just flashed through Yan Qianming's mind, but he didn't hold back and said it.

Zhang Ke was also stunned. He looked at Yan Qianming, blinked, twitched the corners of his mouth, and nodded.

"Yes, yes, I knocked it out. It shouldn't be there. No one wants it."

Although Yan Qianming had this guess, he was still shocked when he heard Zhang Ke admit it.

"How is it possible? Don't you want to keep it? Don't you want it?" Before he knew it, Yan Qianming's eyes were also a little red.He didn't believe that Zhang Ke would be so ruthless. Although he had no expectations or preparations for the arrival of this child, it was a life after all, a life connected with his blood.

"Because I'm finally fed up with you! Yan Qianming! I'm fed up with you!" Zhang Ke finally vented without any hesitation. Say everything that has been buried and squeezed in your heart for so many years.

Everything around became quiet again, Zhang Ke stopped choking and took a deep breath.

"Do you think... do I really want to be a chef? Do you think I really don't want to go to college? I think, who doesn't want to go to college! But for you, I tore up the admission letter and came here alone This strange city, what kind of crap to learn to cook!... I came to you, waiting for you downstairs in your dormitory, waiting for you and your group of friends to come back in style, just to ask for your mobile phone number.

I suffered from your classmate's eyes, I went out early and returned late every day, and I didn't make a single friend.Because of your words, I spent all my salary to buy concert tickets and wait for you at the gate of the stadium. What happened?You didn't come, and I slept on the street all night, like a stray dog ​​that no one takes in!

But in the end, I had a fever when I went back, and I was so sick that I couldn't move, but you called me and told me excitedly that you had a girlfriend. "

Yan Qianming was dumbfounded when he heard these things, but he didn't expect that... Zhang Ke fell in love with him a long time ago, earlier than he thought!

"Your family had an accident, I rushed back without saying a word, you are lost and decadent, I will support you and I will help you! You don't love me, and you slept with me in order to keep me. I know it all, and I can bear it. It's good to ask to be by your side...but what about you? What have you done for me? What do you think of me?" He took a breath, tears had already flowed down at some point, and Zhang Ke wiped them casually. , Before he finished speaking, he stopped there and sighed.

"Heh, what's the point of saying this now? It seems that I'm too hypocritical. What's wrong with you? You're right? These are all my wishful thinking. I didn't give you a choice, and you didn't ask me to do it for you. There are so many! I am the only one who suffers on my own, and I am a fucking bitch!"

"Zhang Ke, I..." Yan Qianming frowned, every word Zhang Ke said made him feel like a knife.

Yes, Zhang Ke really did too much for him...too much, so much that he didn't know when he started, but he actually took them all as a natural habit.

"Now, I don't want to live this kind of life anymore, okay? I've come to my senses. I don't want to pester you anymore. I want... to live for myself."

Having said that, Yan Qianming finally realized that Zhang wanted to leave!

He wants to keep it!But...but I can't seem to find a reason...

"Zhang Ke..."

Yan Qianming wanted to say something, he wanted Zhang Ke to stay, he wanted Zhang Ke to wait, he was willing to understand and share, he wanted to comfort him well, he wanted to heal the pain in his heart.

But the phone just rang at this moment.

Yan Qianming glanced at it, hesitated for a moment, and pressed it, but soon, the phone rang again, Yan Qianming pressed it again, and it rang again...it was Zhang Keying's father...

"Zhang Ke, calm down, wait for me, I beg you to wait for me again, I have some urgent matters to deal with now, don't go, wait for me to come back, let's have a good chat." Yan Qianming comforted nervously, But he still walked out of the room.

Zhang Ke laughed very much, he didn't chase after him to look, but turned around again, picked up the things he had just dropped, and continued to pack up.

Wait... no, he won't wait any more.