Institute diary

Chapter 21, Madness

After another incident, we remained silent.

long silence.

I think about the previous scenes, my mother stroking my hair... my father watching me in front of the police car... they both left me and went in at different times... Xu Qi ran away from me with his backpack on his back... I was promoted... I met A patient I love...we have intercourse...

There is no happiness at all.

My parents sent me to research institutes that did not belong here one after another, which shortened the time I was supposed to spend in my childhood. After crying year after year, I finally ushered in mediocrity.

However, fate played tricks on me again.

Used to play, now plays.

Maybe I will understand it now, or maybe I will understand it after many years-in fact, no matter how I hide and escape, fate will always exist.

Just like the two ends of a cliff, one side is an abyss, and the other side is also an abyss.

Nowhere to hide, everywhere.

----

After tumbling, I dutifully washed us all.

"Okay, lie down and rest." I sat on the bed and dried Xu Qi's just-washed body with a white soft towel.

"You should wipe it yourself, the water from your chin is dripping into my neck."

"It's okay." I replied and looked at the watch on my wrist calmly.

It's eleven fifty-eight.

Qu Yebai told me to stay with Xu Qi for a day, but I had to leave at night. This was a brother's help.

I lowered my eyelids, not knowing how to tell Xu Qi about this.How to tell him?to be honest?In fact, today's "nothing" is an illusion, but in fact I still have to leave?

How...how is it possible!

"Fu Yan?" Xu Qi pushed me.

"Ok?"

"Look at you, you're still wiping the towels even after they're gone." Xu Qi slammed the big characters on the bed, stretching his limbs to form a blanket shape, his amber eyes kept rolling.I sat next to him and wiped off the cold water droplets on my face.

"Hey, Fu Yan," he looked at me, "Can you still retire?"

He made me palpitate.

He said that he would wait until he retires to be together again.

"Okay." ...Maybe.

"Really?" He closed his eyes and grabbed the quilt, "That's good. Fu Yan, you can leave if you want, I won't force you.

"It's just... If you retire one day, don't forget to give me a home."

I looked at his pale face, and his eyes became deeper and deeper.

I wanted to say sorry, but still no.

I kept my eyes open all night and continued to work again the next day.

I can't see him again, but I know that Xu Qi must have not slept at night. He may be the same as me, sad, but he won't cry.

Because we are all adults.

----

"Fu Yan! Put on your mask quickly, the surgery time is coming soon."

I took out a white mask from my medical gown, "Is there another major operation at six o'clock in the evening?"

"That's right, it's clearly recorded on today's worksheet." The staff member buttoned up the buttons, "However, it's an anatomical operation, it seems to be... a patient in a previous ward.

"Alas, another poor person has been abandoned."

I lowered my head and did not reply, quietly looking at my face in the reflective floor.

----

I was back on the rooftop at the back of the institute, standing straight on the edge.

Standing here, you can't see the outside. The hugeness of the institute obscures your vision, and you can only see its gray-white walls.

I remember that there was a veteran who came into the institute before, he was over half a hundred years old and still didn’t look old. When I was treating him, he told me about his past and briefly talked about the institute.

Veterans say the Institute is also history.

He also said: "I have been to many places before, I have been to the old city, I have been to Edinburgh, I have been to the fascist war field, they are all very old. Standing on them is like walking through quicksand.

"Did you say that they were not vicissitudes or cruelty? This institute is the same. Although it is a treatment, it cannot avoid whoever fails and whoever dissects.

"Young man, you still lack experience."

I superimposed the old soldier's last sigh with Xu Qi's sick face that day, and I felt dizzy for a while, almost blown down by the wind.

In fact, Xu Qi should not be disappointed when he left so hastily that day, after all, I finally said it myself - "I love him".

I still can't forget his sudden smile at that time - that kind of smile that looked very happy, but also very painful.

I squatted down and sat on the roof.

I buried my head and cried for the first time.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

***

I walked into the dark room with poor decoration, holding a bouquet of flowers in my arms, and stepped on the marble floor. Every step I took seemed to be cracked, sucking me fiercely.

Kneeling in front of the wall, I fumbled lightly for the hanging picture frames and coffins.

Petals fell to the ground.

No one said a word again.

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