Institute diary

Chapter 10, Eternity

What Xu Qi said really made me feel mixed.

I lived in the most unacceptable way for him.But he also said he likes me.

"Xu Qi, is this a confession?" I looked at him with a suppressed smile, but didn't dare to make any movement on his face.

Xu Qi was obviously taken aback for a moment at first, and then he blushed a little before he stammered to respond to me: "It's just a confession."

I touched the top of his head and felt the hair was soft, and I felt better. "You can't accept me? How do you say that?"

"It's not what you think, it's just that I can't explain clearly." Xu Qi muttered, and gradually lowered his head, "Fu Yan, let me tell you about my past, maybe you will know the difference between us."

He raised his head, and the amber was filled with bright tears.

Rarely no laughter.

-

"In fact, since I was a child, I have dreamed that one day I can be a metallurgist like my father and refine these non-ferrous metals that can help mankind.

"I was naughty when I was young, and I always liked to watch or feed the fish in the big river next to my house. At that time, my house was not far to the west of the river, and the scenery was particularly beautiful. The river was so clear that it reflected light and stretched all the way to neighboring provinces.

"My dad said that buying a house there to see the scenery can relieve the depression in the factory.

"Later a factory was built by the river.

"When I was young, I didn't understand why there were so many waist-thick iron pipes beside the river, and I also didn't know why there was a smell in the river later." Xu Qi raised his head and looked at the white lime ceiling.

I hugged him tightly and patted him reassuringly.

"When you grow up, you will naturally understand that the metallurgical wastewater in the factory must be disposed of, so in order to save time, iron pipes are made for transportation and exiled to the bottom of the river.

"In the next few years, due to weather problems, the floods soared, and the embankments overflowed, and the downstream was greatly affected. So the higher authorities sealed off the embankments.

"The whole river has become a dead river.

"I was standing on the balcony that day, and when I looked up, I could see a row of black in the shape of a 'one' in front of me. Only some big fish that had been dyed occasionally showed two fish eyes, which proved that they were alive.

"I tried to save them, but it was useless. They turned blue when they were picked up, and they died after a while.

"Some small fish that can be kept at home for the time being can't adapt to clean water, they all turn up in less than a day, and the whole tank of water is stinky.

"I know it's not my dad's fault, but I still can't face him tonight.

"The next day he woke me up, pulled me to the balcony, and showed me the black river.

He said to me: 'Maybe you feel bad now, after all, they used to be your playmates.

'But Xiaoqi, if we don't use metallurgy, those large-scale projects will not be able to use the materials they need, and you will no longer be able to see many things.

'Such as tall buildings.

'The same way you can't live in a house, you won't have a home.

'But there are other rivers of fish. '

"I was speechless, he was right and made sense.

"I'm a child, what are you sad about?

"I sat on the balcony all night. At night, the river somehow merged with the blackness. I couldn't see anything, but the darkness overwhelmed me so timidly that I couldn't bear to look directly at it anymore.

"And there, there are no bright eyes anymore." Xu Qi shook his head, and tears ran down his face from the corner of his eyes.

I probably get it.

Maybe Xu Qi hates this 'cruelty' instinct of human beings.And the superiority and indifference of the so-called superior human being.

"Since then, I never want to be like my dad, I want to protect animals.

"So I went to work as a temporary zookeeper during college and wanted to help take care of them.

"It was a small zoo, and only after I went there did I realize that some places really cannot be compared, and there is no way to compare them.

"The peacocks there have almost no open tails, the back is as bald as a pheasant, and the tiger's teeth have been ground down.

"I went in and walked around, and none of the animals were intact. People licked all their valuables.

"Suddenly I don't want to come here anymore. There is only complete despair." Xu Qi leaned weakly on my shoulder, from my angle I could only see the movement of his tall nose bridge.

"Fu Yan, it was at that time that I realized that I was too small, and that I couldn't save anything by myself.

"Human beings are selfish and hurt others. I hate people, but I am a human being, and I can't get rid of the relationship at all.

"I still want to try, but I'm infected."

"...So, you see that I am also this kind of person, so you left me to be with Duan Xiaowan?" I think I should understand his thoughts.

"Probably." Xu Qi burrowed into the bed, only showing his forehead, with a muffled voice. "At least she loves nature as much as I do."

I held him in my arms even under the quilt, "Then, Xu Qi, you don't like women, right?"

***

When I walked out of Ward 071, I only felt guilty.This feeling is really both strange and complicated.

I have been in the institute for so long, and I have never had a patient like Xu Qi.They are all fearful ghosts who squeeze their heads and don't want to enter the Senluo Temple.

They all just desperately grabbed the doctor and said save me, and then crowded in front of the operating room, crying bitterly for what they felt was a miserable fate.

She even yelled and cursed until she was forced to leave by some staff or administered anesthesia.

Not for others, only for yourself.

But so what if I know, I am a doctor so I can save them.

But how can I save Xu Qi?

I can't save others at all, I'm not a superman saver, I can't even save myself.